How To Be Yourself

How You Can Be Yourself. 

This is the second part and last part of the series on Being Yourself. In the first part, I discuss why Being yourself might be the most difficult thing you would ever do. In this article, I would like to point how you can be yourself. 

True, a lot of people find it difficult being themselves. The world as we know it is now filled with a lot of distractions. People are more focused on what other people are doing. Somehow, we rely on others and elevate them to become the major source of our happiness. People would have to mind the things they say or do around others or they could be accused of some weird new age crime. In such an environment, that breeds entitled people, it is difficult to hear your own voice. 

Before addressing how one can be themselves, I would first like to highlight the importance of being yourself. Why should you be yourself? Be yourself because that’s the only way you can contribute to the lives of the people you love. 

Social Psychologist, Michael Leary coined out the word ‘Relational Value’ and defined it as the value we get from the relationships we have. He recognizes that this is the root cause of self-esteem. American psychologist, Abraham Maslow, propounded the Hierarchy of Needs theory which included a hierarchy of the ideals humans need to not just survive, but to live and enjoy life. While things like food, water and breathing were at the base, love and the need to feed among came third place, after safety and security. 

This is the second part and last part of the series on Being Yourself. In the first part, I discuss why Being yourself might be the most difficult thing you would ever do. Read here. In this article, I would like to point how you can be yourself. 

True, a lot of people find it difficult being themselves. The world as we know it is now filled with a lot of distractions. People are more focused on what other people are doing. Somehow, we rely on others and elevate them to become the major source of our happiness. People would have to mind the things they say or do around others or they could be accused of some weird new age crime. In such an environment, that breeds entitled people, it is difficult to hear your own voice. 

Before addressing how one can be themselves, I would first like to highlight the importance of being yourself. Why should you be yourself? Be yourself because that’s the only way you can contribute to the lives of the people you love. 

Social Psychologist, Michael Leary coined out the word ‘Relational Value’ and defined it as the value we get from the relationships we have. He recognizes that this is the root cause of self-esteem. American psychologist, Abraham Maslow, propounded the Hierarchy of Needs theory which included a hierarchy of the ideals humans need to not just survive, but to live and enjoy life. While things like food, water and breathing were at the base, love and the need to feed among came third place, after safety and security. 

The need to belong and relational value are one and the same. Man is a social animal, and if we do not feel among something bigger than us, we mostly suffer mental deterioration. The most obvious way to fulfill this need is through our relationships. To develop our relationships, we have to give part of ourselves. The question is how do you give part of yourself if you are not being yourself? 

It is easy to realize that to have healthy relationships, you have to know yourself and your values. It is this values that you so happily share with others. It is this values that you so happily share that makes others appreciate you and your efforts. If you do not be yourself, how can you even develop your relationships? If you do not structure your relationships, how can you contribute to societal development? It is true that many conservatives believe that being yourself and harnessing your individualism may cut the chain of cultural patterns but this is really the only way society can develop. Culture is meant to evolve and if there is no one to be themselves, society itself is would go extinct. I sincerely believe this is what Jesus meant in Matthew 7:13:

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.”

Where would the evolution of Nigerian music be without the rebellious nature of Fela? Some parts of Nigeria might have still been killing twins if not for the determination of Mary Slessor. Perhaps if not for Galileo’s Heliocentrism, we would have still believed that the sun revolves around the earth. Questioning already existing orders also helps in developing the set of order and culture generally. 

Being yourself, in other words, not only helps you live a healthy life, but eventually makes everyone around you healthier. 

How then can you be yourself? 

It is easy to tell others to always block other people’s opinions out and listen to their own voices. However, the environment that grows around us slowly blows out the light of our voices until they are non-existent. 

There is are two ways that comes to mind to encourage yourself to be yourself: 

1. always know what you want. This is the first and most important step of always being yourself. Always knowing what you want helps you know and avoid things you do not want. Saying ‘no’ would be easier. 

2. Never make decisions based on what other people say, do or think. This makes you alone responsible for your actions. You would be healthier knowing that your actions are your chose only and any consequences or rewards is yours alone to bear. This also means that you would absolve yourself from bitterness, hate and the urge to revenge wrong done to you because all these would lead to actions controlled by other people. 

I would close this note with a quote from Oscar Wilde:

Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.